simple farmer

dear misleader:

we can go ahead and call it another year cause unless someone out of they cotton pickin mind concoct a crazy scheme to upturn the whole system between now and old years cookup you free sailing into 2011 dear misleader.

you’ve survived another year an i really don’t know how. but that’s neither here nor there. ev’ry dog got he luck. you still in charge. big and large. somebody tell me i should stop call the Guyanese people sheeple. they love you…and they’ve come to worship you. they’ve known nothing before you, there’s nothing with you and there will be nothing after you. because you’ve destroyed everything and turned it into nothing. that’s not me talkin’ ah been drinkin the other night hear dat the other day from a drunk former GUYSUCO employee turned poetic sage. an ah tell he someting similar to what i tink you woulda tell he had you heard him blaspheming against thee [yuh is ah ungrateful dawg afta all dey doo fuh yuh]

usually i starts off my letters with a i hope this reaches you doing well or something likes dat. i does, i does. not that i wishing you ill or anyting  of the sort. far be it from me to call death upon anyone an especially especially a high calibre misleader like y’self. you come from a fine clan. a long line of misleaders. good stock as the old people use to say. but if you do happen to get a heart attack or some life threatenin illness you can count on me personally to come and personally fetch you down to georgetown hospital. one o’clock, two o’clock, three o’clock in de mornin’ anytime. ah would do dat jus fuh you an you know i got a bad back. right?

three things happen in the past three days to me personally ah waan tell yuh personally. one. rain fall an flood out de lil mudlot y’all gimme me fuh buil’ house. all de san wash way. an when ah seh all ah mean all de fightin san. two. water still ain’ comin in de pipe an ah giv de water man a nice lil small piece fuh de metre. exactly lik yuh lyin cousin tell meh. and three. all de meat spoil in de fridge. chicken, beef, pork, fish an de lil ham dat come in de barrel. GEC i mean GPL seh deh got some transformer overload problem. yuh know dat ain got one scunt fuh do wid me but i ain’ diggin no blues misleader. i understand progress takes time. progress takes time, i understands dat. i can’t afford to put no pressure on you to mek these things rite. tek yuh time. all i waan know is who buyin back meh meat?

i sittin here tinkin to m’self dese motherfuckers got balls. titanium balls! to m’self cause i would never eva eva say such uncouth things to you or about you to yuh face. if yuh know wuh ah mean. you is a big misleader and you deserve all the respect you can find.

ah see yuh drivin yuh big jeep by y’self las week tuesday spalshin watuh pon people. me and meh fren been waitin pon de bus but lik yuh ain see we. ah thought was yuh big shot drivuh at fuss. but when ah see was you at de wheel ah mek an a put up meh han fuh flag yuh down and boom a free drop. but meh fren seh bai leh duh man cry he scunt wid he farin self. ah jus geh vex an tek back down meh hand.

but ah was to axe yuh. yuh eva write down duh list uh tings yuh seh yuh proud of accomplishin? ah mean yuh been at ths misleading fuh as long as i can remember an dats a long time if yuh is to car’culate it. ah waan see it. is since las elections yuh promise we it an another elections roun de corner. or so ah hear dey seh. shouldn’t tek me long fuh run through it. doan write in pencil an doan use grease proof paper lik yuh do wid we las time yuh write fuh we.

but anyways dearest misleader plenipotentiary, ah know yuh is a busy big one. ah didn’t really mean to tek up too much of yuh precious time seein how yuh got sheeple ah mean people to mislead. ah jus really waan tell yuh dat yuh is one lucky son of a bitch. yuh does play de lottery? you must an yuh should wid luck lik u got.

well yuh tiefin brother seh he gon kill two fowl an mek a big pot uh cookup and share it out to de people. ah hear he seh he givin back to the people dis year. he can put it how he want put it wid he tiefin self. we know is money you tief he spennin an playin big shot pon we. tiefin in y’all family dna we does only play lik we ain know. after chu’ch we goin’ by he an eat up de food an drink up de rum. he han tight an yuh neva know when again

you ringin in 2011 at pegasus this year or you flyin out? i ain gaffuh ask, ah know yuh ain comin down de mud dam wid yuh big four by four jeep an sport wid we. whichever. mek sure yuh doan choke as yuh fattenin y’self an’ clinkin yuh champagne glass wid yuh big frens. or get drunk an jump in yuh big jeep an run off de road in some stinkin trench. yuh mek it dis far, de lass lass ting ah waan hear early a’clock new years marnin is eh eh! lik yuh ain’ hear de news? misleader ring in de new year wid a bang. he run off de road in he big jeep wid some lil girl and kill he’self.

we could ill afford to loose you dear misleader. look how far Guyana and Guyanese have come with you driving this runaway train to nowhere. you and your visionary leadership and worldly charms. the people love you…and they’ve come to worship you. they’ve known nothing before you, there’s nothing with you and there will be nothing after you.

so we can go ahead and call it another year cause unless someone out of they cotton pickin mind concoct a crazy scheme to upturn the whole system between now and old years cookup you free sailing into 2011 dear misleader.

you’ve survived another year. i really don’t know how. but that’s neither here nor there.

* any similarities to persons, personalities or their lackeys, or their hangers on or sidekicks, alive, dead or yet to be born is purely coincidental.