simple farmer

am going to make this simple
do not call me and go, is this mark jacobs
it’s rude and it irritates the hell out of me
when you dial my number and it pick up, 99.98% of the time is me
i dont have a secretary or a cell phone answerer person
after the phone connects say, hello this is [fill in your name] from [fill in your company, church or cult here] and i am calling to speak with mark jacobs
in the event you have not reached me in that .02% when i am not being me i will say, hello whatever your name is, this is mark, how can i help you?

please spread the word, i am likely to accidentally hang up on you if
a. you call me and ask for me first
b. if you call me and go hello who is this? sometimes i do say motherfucker you called me
c. if you call me and go, i got a miss call from this number last week tuesday. so what the fuck do you want me to do? is an old favourite response to this one
i dont remember what i have on the plate in front of me. it’s a bit of a stretch for you to expect me to remember who i called last tuesday and the phone ring out

am putting this shit out there cause i’ve been saying it for over a decade and yall mofos ain listening
to recap, identify yoself when youse call me or yo jus might hear dat clicking sound
this is my last word and testament on this one
use your phone credit wisely